savion glover. how do i love thee?

Let me count the ways...
1) Tap, the movie
2) Brooklyn Center
3) BB King's
4) Prospect Park
5) Tommy James
6) Andy McCloud
7) Patience Higgins
8) Brian Grice
9) times infinity

homeland security and the chaco terrorist

No one likes security lines. There are several scientific facts that support this dislike. Some examples are as follows:

1. Most people don't like waiting in lines PERIOD, let alone security lines. I realize that the term "most" is vague and doesn't give this statement the credibility that a scientifically-derived fact deserves. Let me rephrase then, in more quantified terms: ALL people dislike waiting in lines EXCEPT crazy people, stupid people and people who work for the DMV. Of course, even this statement gets a little skewed because "most" (again vague) who work for the DMV could also be counted in either or both of the previous two categories. That is one for the statisticians to work out--that and the central limit theorem, which I am still not convinced could possibly be true.
2. Security lines have been known to cause cancer. Conclusive studies linking security lines to specific forms of cancer are still in the works, but looking at the preliminary evidence, the answer is clear. The vast majority of cancer patients have at some time in their lives passed through a metal detector, had their handbags searched or been questioned about their patriotic loyalties. Nearly all people who have passed through security lines are at risk for some form of cancer at some point in time during their various lives. In fact, self checks for breast and testicular cancers were not common until after security lines became more prevalent in our society. It is ironic that while trying to purge our country's airports, theme parks and sporting events of terrorist activities, we are inviting one of the nation's top killers into the empty seats right next to us.
3. Human beings are not biologically constructed to wait in lines. Unlike ducks and performing circus elephants who benefit from a front-to-back lineup, we homo sapiens lack the wiring to wait in single-file lines. It simply goes against nature. Lining up against the wall for a game of dodgeball or for a firing squad are much more natural positions for human beings to assume. Since we are bi-laterally symetrical bipeds, our arms and legs, or "lining up parts," if you will, sit in such a fashion as to disallow natural single-file, front-to-back configuration. The only time you will see human-types lined up naturally in single-file is in those evolution depictions. If we were to include modern man in this progression, he would be wearing a suit, talking on his cell phone, drinking a cappuccino and standing facing the audience like the arrogant beast he has evolved into. Additionally, the physical symbolism in lining up, relays a message of hierarchy and inequality that we humans have been fighting for millennia. It is, after all, what separates us from the beasts: the ability to line up side-by-side. Unfortunately, most so-called "fair" lines would have us assume these single-file positions, pitting one human against another and smashing eons of evolution. Note here that security lines are often the worse offenders offering special "express" privileges to so-called "first class" costumers. We could line up natually side-by-side and hold hands, but several problems also lie in this suggestion which we have neither the time nor the memory space to discuss at present. These facts further compound the problem of lines and particularly that of the security line which additionally asks us to hand over (even if temporarily) property and dignity to a stranger with a uniform (another practice I had hoped humans would have left with Nazi Germany).

I could go on, but I believe I have made my point. Security lines are bad for your emotional stability, bad for your health and bad for the evolutional progress of humankind. Yet, as dutiful citizens of this country, we subject ourselves to the mal-effects of the security lines against our better judgment.

My disdain for the security line has been heightened along with national security recently because of an incident that took place recently in an airport. The polite security worker suggested that I take off my shoes to speed up the process. I had never before been forced to remove my shoes at a security line and since it was simply a friendly suggestion, I decided to keep my bomb-free kicks strapped on. Apparently, this was cause for alarm, because the security officer gave a concerned glanced at his metal-detecting compadre and then strongly suggested that I take them off and even added a “Ma’am” in there for good measure. The ill effects of the security line were already beginning to show themselves on me because I firmly stated, “I really don’t see how everyone taking off their shoes and putting them back on could possibly speed up any process. I guarantee that if I take off my shoes and put them back on it will take twice as long. So as long as it is optional I’ll keep them on. There is nothing in my shoes that is of any danger to anyone.” The security man then tightly gripped his magic metal-detecting wand and once again strongly suggested that I take off my shoes. I believe there was a hint of “or else” in his voice, but it could have been the x-rays getting to my brain. Again, I asserted my rights as a citizen and politely thanked him for his suggestion, but reiterated that if it is indeed a suggestion, as they kept telling me, then I would choose to not take it. Following this exchange, I was scuttled off to the side where I was forced to take them off and a thorough and intrusive search of my person was conducted. Of course, since this was taking some time, I took the opportunity to point out the inefficiency of their suggestion, indicating that people would be more likely to remove their shoes if they were instead told, “We suggest you take them off or we will” or similar. Making it sound like a friendly suggestion, rather than a hidden compulsion is deceptive and also time-wasting and only singles out the well-informed (as well as people with really complicated shoe latchets).

My suggestion to security line workers everywhere: give it to us straight. It’s bad enough both The Man and Big Brother are inconveniencing us for our own good.

3 frivolous goals, act 1, scene 1

I have only 3 frivolous goals in my life. It's been quite a while since they've popped into my head because in the past, I've had other pleasing things to think about and haven't had to resort to pipe dreams. However, I hate my job. I hate my upstairs and downstairs neighbors. I hate racism and sexism and big-buttism and I hate that it's way late and I should be sleeping and I want to be sleeping and yet here I am, a complete slave to my poor life decisions...

That said, one frivolous goal to which I have been diverting much time and resources is to get my motorcycle license and also to get a motorcycle and also to ride this motorcycle any where I darn well please. Thank you very much.

I am carrying on with this goal despite the fact that A) I have better things to spend my money on, B) I don't really need personal transportation and C) I will die.